saying "yes"

How often do you say "no" to your kids? That two letter word probably seems to make an appearance on your tongue every 5 seconds, doesn't it?

"No, we are about to eat dinner, you can't have a snack."

"No, no more movies, you've watch 3 today already!"

"No, I just said you can't have a snack because we are about to eat dinner!."

"No, I don't want the playdough out right now because I just cleaned the floors."

"No, please don't get out that game, we just picked up the house!"

"Didn't you hear me...we're about to eat dinner! No snacks!"

Sound familiar? I find myself saying no a lot and then going to bed wondering "Why not?" Now, of course, sometimes the answer really does have to be no...especially right before dinnertime and they are asking for snacks. At least for my kids it has to be. And after 3 movies in one day, yes, I believe the kids have had quite enough and need to go play. But my point is this...

The times when I find myself saying no a lot are the times when I am wanting something for myself.

"No, I can't read you a book right now. I need to finish the dishes (or email, or laundry, or talking on the phone, or writing a blog post *smile*)"

"No, I can't play right now because I *insert selfish excuse here*"

And yes, it is selfish. I am not saying that wanting to do things that you enjoy, like reading, scrapbooking, Pinterest and the like are wrong...but how often are you putting those things before your children? Motherhood requires the attitude of a servant, putting other people's needs before your own wants and desires. If we aren't giving our children an example of servanthood, then we will raise our children to be arrogant, selfish little brats. (And those arrogant, selfish little brats are our future leaders...scary.) As mothers (and fathers), we need to have the big picture in the forefront of our minds so that we do not lose focus. And again, I am not saying that having things that you want to do is wrong, because we should do those things - they help relax us and help us disconnect and recharge...but I will write about "Taking care of Mom" in another post.

My encouragement to you, and to myself, is to try saying "yes" more often. When we put aside our wants and desires for those five minutes to read a book, or the 15-20 minutes to build a megablock city, then you are speaking volumes of love to your child. You are letting them know that they are far more important than whatever it is you think you NEED to accomplish at that very moment. Re-evaluate. Refocus. Go play with playdough.

Back to the Basics

Lately, I have been teaching and training my children to daily accomplish their morning "basics."  These basics include: making their bed, getting dressed/putting pjs away (or in laundry basket) and brushing/fixing their hair. Our children are really getting into this new routine and I have been quite pleased with their willingness to obey. Last week, I finished putting together a family schedule...a very detailed, day-to-day schedule...and basics are to be done before breakfast, which is (desirably) promptly at 7:30 a.m. In addition to her own basics, our oldest child (6 yrs old) is being trained to care for her younger brother (2 yrs old). She is capable of changing his diaper, getting him dressed for the day and helping him make his bed. My hope in this is to also create a buddy system, so that when we are out in public, they automatically know who their buddy is and how to pair up. When our 2nd child and 4th child (4 yrs old and 4 months old) are old enough, then I will train them to do the same. And honestly, the buddy system has naturally fallen into place with our children anyway, so this part has been easy.
Training our children to understand the "basics" gives them sense of responsibility and a sense of ownership. It gives them choices of their own (picking out their own clothes, hair accessories, etc.) and they are happier and more pleasant children because of it. I regularly weed through their clothes and take out anything out of season or size, so that they do not become confused with what they can or can not wear. All "off limits" clothing items get stored in their handy dandy under-the-bed storage boxes, where they are easily accessible, if needed.
The biggest thing a parent needs to remember is that training is just that...training. It is going to take time! You can not expect your four year old to make a perfect bed the first, fifth or hundredth time. Work with them, side by side. Lead by example and have patience....store up lots and lots and lots of patience! Be encouraged and remember that all that hard work in training your precious child will pay off....some day. :) And be willing to let go of perfection. Again, they will get it eventually. And never hesitate to go "back to the basics" with your older children. Your goal is to raise children who desire to work hard and do their best in everything that they do...even if it is something "small" like making their bed or putting away their pjs. Their future spouse will thank you! :)