saying "yes"

How often do you say "no" to your kids? That two letter word probably seems to make an appearance on your tongue every 5 seconds, doesn't it?

"No, we are about to eat dinner, you can't have a snack."

"No, no more movies, you've watch 3 today already!"

"No, I just said you can't have a snack because we are about to eat dinner!."

"No, I don't want the playdough out right now because I just cleaned the floors."

"No, please don't get out that game, we just picked up the house!"

"Didn't you hear me...we're about to eat dinner! No snacks!"

Sound familiar? I find myself saying no a lot and then going to bed wondering "Why not?" Now, of course, sometimes the answer really does have to be no...especially right before dinnertime and they are asking for snacks. At least for my kids it has to be. And after 3 movies in one day, yes, I believe the kids have had quite enough and need to go play. But my point is this...

The times when I find myself saying no a lot are the times when I am wanting something for myself.

"No, I can't read you a book right now. I need to finish the dishes (or email, or laundry, or talking on the phone, or writing a blog post *smile*)"

"No, I can't play right now because I *insert selfish excuse here*"

And yes, it is selfish. I am not saying that wanting to do things that you enjoy, like reading, scrapbooking, Pinterest and the like are wrong...but how often are you putting those things before your children? Motherhood requires the attitude of a servant, putting other people's needs before your own wants and desires. If we aren't giving our children an example of servanthood, then we will raise our children to be arrogant, selfish little brats. (And those arrogant, selfish little brats are our future leaders...scary.) As mothers (and fathers), we need to have the big picture in the forefront of our minds so that we do not lose focus. And again, I am not saying that having things that you want to do is wrong, because we should do those things - they help relax us and help us disconnect and recharge...but I will write about "Taking care of Mom" in another post.

My encouragement to you, and to myself, is to try saying "yes" more often. When we put aside our wants and desires for those five minutes to read a book, or the 15-20 minutes to build a megablock city, then you are speaking volumes of love to your child. You are letting them know that they are far more important than whatever it is you think you NEED to accomplish at that very moment. Re-evaluate. Refocus. Go play with playdough.

Back to the Basics

Lately, I have been teaching and training my children to daily accomplish their morning "basics."  These basics include: making their bed, getting dressed/putting pjs away (or in laundry basket) and brushing/fixing their hair. Our children are really getting into this new routine and I have been quite pleased with their willingness to obey. Last week, I finished putting together a family schedule...a very detailed, day-to-day schedule...and basics are to be done before breakfast, which is (desirably) promptly at 7:30 a.m. In addition to her own basics, our oldest child (6 yrs old) is being trained to care for her younger brother (2 yrs old). She is capable of changing his diaper, getting him dressed for the day and helping him make his bed. My hope in this is to also create a buddy system, so that when we are out in public, they automatically know who their buddy is and how to pair up. When our 2nd child and 4th child (4 yrs old and 4 months old) are old enough, then I will train them to do the same. And honestly, the buddy system has naturally fallen into place with our children anyway, so this part has been easy.
Training our children to understand the "basics" gives them sense of responsibility and a sense of ownership. It gives them choices of their own (picking out their own clothes, hair accessories, etc.) and they are happier and more pleasant children because of it. I regularly weed through their clothes and take out anything out of season or size, so that they do not become confused with what they can or can not wear. All "off limits" clothing items get stored in their handy dandy under-the-bed storage boxes, where they are easily accessible, if needed.
The biggest thing a parent needs to remember is that training is just that...training. It is going to take time! You can not expect your four year old to make a perfect bed the first, fifth or hundredth time. Work with them, side by side. Lead by example and have patience....store up lots and lots and lots of patience! Be encouraged and remember that all that hard work in training your precious child will pay off....some day. :) And be willing to let go of perfection. Again, they will get it eventually. And never hesitate to go "back to the basics" with your older children. Your goal is to raise children who desire to work hard and do their best in everything that they do...even if it is something "small" like making their bed or putting away their pjs. Their future spouse will thank you! :)

Excuse me...Yes, I am!

My kids and I took a little trip out and about for a few groceries this morning and as I was driving down the expressway, I saw a sign that pierced right through this mother's heart. Plastered on a billboard was the phrase "Supermoms breastfeed: Other moms do it, so can you."

Don't get me wrong, I'm ALL about breastfeeding. I know all the benefits breastfeeding can have on both mother and child, and I encourage moms I come in contact with to nurse their baby. My issue with this statement is that it fails to recognize one very special group of moms...those who CAN'T breastfeed. Not those who won't (I personally feel that if you are able to breastfeed, then you should, but I still stand by the opinion that it is every mom's personal choice.), but those who can't. I am part of this special group of moms and I understand deeply the hurt and disappointment a mom feels when she wants to give her child the absolute best, and can't.
I have four beautiful children that I have been entrusted with and have the privilege to raise. I have attempted to nurse all four. When I got pregnant with our third child, I was very well self-informed on the subject of breastfeeding and had learned from my past mistakes. I was POSITIVE breastfeeding would be successful...third time's a charm, right? For four months, I pushed and pushed myself to be successful in breastfeeding. For the first week of my child's life I slept on the couch, setting my timer and trying to get in a few minutes of sleep before waking up to nurse/use the SNS tube, feed the rest of the formula through a bottle, pump and then, finally, sleep for 45 minutes before starting the process all over again. I drank tons of water and ate oatmeal, I took liquid Mother's Milk and Goat's Rue (I am not always able to swallow pills, so I had to take the liquid form or opt out), I stayed away from asparagus (maybe not a big deal for you, but it's my favorite, so THAT was a sacrifice!), etc. I did receive help from a lactation consultant, as well. I tried everything there is to try and do...but the most I could ever pump or hand express maybe came to 0.25 oz. And that's a big maybe.

it.was.devastating.

The serious lack of sleep, the exhaustion of caring for two other children, my husband and my home and the heart-wrenching realization that I will never be capable of exclusively breastfeeding my babies spiraled me down into a dark year of depression. I bought into the lie that I wasn't as good of a mom to my kids because I couldn't provide the absolute best. There were a few other reasons why I struggled with this issue and with the resulting depression, but I will save that for another time. I am not ready to share that part yet. (And just to clarify, I no longer struggle with depression, thanks to my gracious Lord and my wonderful husband, who both lovingly yanked me out of it! I have also placed some safeguards in my life so that when I feel it trying to creep in, I have a plan of attack. I will talk about that another time, too.)

Now, I understand that the heart behind that billboard ad was most likely well-meaning, and again, I am a strong advocate for breastfeeding. But I would hate to think that any fellow mom out there who can not breastfeed their child would think that they are less of a mom because they do not nurse. DO NOT BELIEVE IT! It is a LIE. You are a good mom - a supermom! - because you are giving your child your best. Notice I didn't say the best...I said, your best...because your best is the best.
When I became pregnant with our fourth child, I decided that I would give it a shot, but would not allow myself to find my identity as a good mom in breastfeeding. I nursed my child for a week (I used the SNS tube with formula, as well) and after seeing his one week old weight, decided to stop. He was not gaining weight because he was burning so many calories trying to breastfeed! And he had even caught on to the mechanics of nursing faster than our other children. We have been solely formula feeding him ever since. Our son is four months old now, gaining weight a lot faster than his siblings did, and is a happy, thriving baby.

So, yes. I am indeed a supermom.



By the way, I don't cloth diaper, either. *gasp!*

Let loose and get messy!

Have you had fun with your kids lately? I'm talking about messy fun. (Yes, I know it means you will have ONE more thing to clean up later, but just hear me out :) )

Our children cherish the time we spend with them, and even more so when we make an extra effort to do something silly or messy. Here are a few ideas:

-Break out the bubbles...inside!

-Give each child a shallow cookie sheet, then dump some flour inside. Give them different toys to play with (boys LOVE using their trucks and dump truck to scoop up the "dirt"). Use this also has an educational activity...write out the alphabet with your finger in the flour. (For an even more fun and messier option, use shaving cream to write out the alphabet!)

-Put swimsuits on the kids and let them play in your indoor pool. Everyone has one...yes, you do! Who says an indoor pool has to be bigger than the size of a bathtub in order to have fun? :)